Perfection
by tinylexie
Summary: Everyone thinks that Kat is perfect. Perfection, however, can sometimes be a burden. A look at Kat's life through her childhood and through her time under Rita's spell.
1. Growing Up

**Author's Note****: I absolutely love Katherine Hillard's character, but one of the things I could not help but notice about her was her determination to be perfect in everything. Since I consider Kat to have a quiet, humble personality, I have never thought that Kat's "perfection syndrome" had anything to do with pride or arrogance. But Kat does seem to have a problem with wanting to be perfect in everything she does. Basically, I wanted to explore that issue. So, I decided to write a fic that looks at Kat's childhood and what could have possibly led to her "perfection syndrome."**

**Note****: Anything in italics are inner thoughts and not spoken out loud.**

Katherine Hillard's parents were not super rich, but they were definitely well-to-do. They were also both very cultured, and they wanted their young daughter to be the same way. Since the Hillards had some money to spare, they would occasionally take Katherine (or Kat as she preferred to be called by those close to her) with them to plays and dance recitals. Since Kat's mother use to be a ballet dancer herself, that's what the entire family often went to watch.

Even at a young age, Kat was already enthralled by the ballet dancers on stage. As soon as she was in her bedroom at home, the young girl would practice in front of the mirror some of the moves that she had seen. As soon as Kat felt confident enough in her performance, she would then go downstairs to show her parents her routine.

Most parents naturally tell their young children how wonderful they are at whatever they are doing (even if the children are really horrible), but in Kat's case it was the truth. There was no denying that Kat was a natural dancer.

"Look who's already taking after her mother," Mrs. Hillard beamed with pride.

Kat's parents had taught her the importance of making other people happy, especially since many people were not as well off financially as the Hillards were, so Kat was thrilled by her mother's praise. Kat always wanted to please her parents because a child's job, as Kat had been taught since before she could walk or talk, was to obey his or her parents.

Soon after seeing Kat's first ballet performance, Mr. Hillard called the different dance schools in the area until he finally found the one that he liked the best. He happily signed Kat up for classes because he was already having dreams of Kat as being as good of a ballet dancer as her mother had been before she had suffered a severe injury that had cut her dancing career short.

Kat was young, but she already understood the concept of money. And she knew that her father was paying good money for her to have ballet lessons. And since Kat wanted to please both her parents, she always made sure to work hard. Kat was soon striving for perfection.

Perfection.

The Hillards were idealists in many ways, but they weren't completely unrealistic. They did understand that there was a real world out there. The rational part of their minds knew that Kat was not going to be perfect right at the start, but the idealist part of them sometimes gave Kat the opposite impression. In their eyes, Kat had the talent to become the greatest ballet dancer in the world. Many parents say similar things to their children even though they realistically knew that their child would most likely not be the greatest, but the Hillards truly seemed to believe in Kat's potential greatness.

And since Kat always tried her best to obey her parents, she always tried her best to become that great ballet dancer her parents expected her to be. To be the greatest, however, Kat knew she needed to master perfection.

Perfection.

Perfection, however, could sometimes be a burden.

"Your instructor is a little worried about you, Kat," her father said one night at dinner. "She says you're slacking off a bit in practice lately."

"I'm just been a little tired lately, Father, that's all," Kat replied politely.

"Then maybe you need to start going to bed a little earlier," Mr. Hillard shot back. "You know I'm paying good money for you to take these classes."

"I know, Father," Kat responded, still as polite as ever. "I'll start going to bed earlier tonight, I promise."

"That's my good little girl," Mr. Hillard smiled proudly.

Even though a part of Kat felt like she already went to be bed at an early enough time, she still beamed at her father's praise. Maybe she was staying up a little too late.

Kat soon determined, however, that a lack of sleep was not her problem. She went to bed early every night, but she was still sometimes tired during practice. Kat began to think that maybe she wasn't as great as parents thought her to be. The young girl, however, didn't want to tell her parents this. Her father, after all, was paying good money; and Kat didn't want to waste her father's money. Maybe she just needed to work a little harder.

"I think I know what your problem is, Katherine," her ballet instructor said one day at practice. "You're trying _too_ hard. You need to relax a bit. You're being much too hard on yourself."

"But, ma'am, my father is paying good money for me to be here," Kat insisted respectfully, "and I don't want to waste that money."

"Your father is paying me that good money so that you can get better," the instructor retorted. "He wouldn't be paying me and you wouldn't be taking these classes if you were already perfect."

"Do you think I could perfect one day?" Kat asked quickly, latching onto that "p" word that seemed to be so important to her parents.

"No one's perfect, Katherine," her instructor smiled gently, "but you have more talent for your age than I've seen in anyone else for a long time. If you continue to work as hard as you have been doing, you will be great one day."

As far as Kat was concerned, being great was the same as perfection.

Perfection.

Perfection, however, could sometimes be a burden.

As Kat grew older, she felt obligated to be absolutely perfect in absolutely everything that she did. She was sheltered in many ways, but she wasn't completely naïve. She knew that many children were not as well off or as fortunate as she was. And since Kat knew that she was extremely lucky in life, she felt obligated to make the most out of that luck. She could not waste all the benefits that she had from being born to her parents.

The Hillards often reminded Kat of how fortunate she was and that because she was so fortunate, she needed to be the best that she could be.

Even though the Hillards did not say directly that Kat needed to be perfect, the intelligent girl could read in between the lines.

Kat needed to have perfection.

Perfection.

Perfection, however, could sometimes be a burden.

Anyone who knew Kat was always quick to say that she was such a sweet, respectful girl with such a good heart. And why shouldn't she be? She was fortunate in life. It was her duty to help out those who were not as fortunate.

Kat did a lot of volunteering, and she also coordinated quite a few fund-raisers. Whenever she saw someone who needed help, she was always quick to go help that person.

Kat, however, often felt tired.

"The orphanage called today," Mr. Hillard told Kat over dinner. "They say you haven't been showing up the past few days. They were beginning to become worried about you. So, where were you?"

"Sleeping," Kat answered honestly.

"Speaking of sleeping," Mrs. Hillard suddenly spoke up, "I wanted to talk to you about a conversation I had with one of your teachers today. She said you were sleeping during class. What's going on with you, Kat? What have you been doing in your bedroom at night?"

"I promise, Mother, that I've been sleeping at night like I'm supposed to," Kat said in a desperate but polite voice.

"Then why are you so tired?" Mrs. Hillard pressed.

"I don't know," Kat cried.

"There's no reason to cry, Kat," Mr. Hillard said gently. "We know you're a good girl. We're just worried about you, that's all."

"I know," Kat responded softly.

Mr. Hillard thought for a moment. "Maybe you're doing too much," he finally said.

_Why didn't you tell me this when I was telling you about everything I was planning on doing?_ Kat wanted to ask her father. She didn't, of course. She was much too polite for that.

Kat just needed to find out how much she could handle and not go past that limit ever again.

_I was just trying to be perfect. I'm fortunate in life. I know that. I just wanted to help out those in need like you told me I was supposed to do. I was just trying to be perfect._

_None of this self-pity, Kat. You've learned a valuable lesson today. Remember it so you never make the same mistake ever again. _

_You should have known that you were trying to do too much._

_Just try better next time._

As Kat continued to grow older, she began to notice that other children could be cruel. They teased her for knowing the answer to every question the teacher asked. They teased her for getting full marks on all her assignments and for getting a perfect score on all her tests.

One day, however, Kat didn't know the answer to a question that her teacher asked her. Kat was too busy concentrating on not falling asleep in question. She had once again spent too much time before studying when she should have been sleeping.

But Kat needed to study if she wanted to do perfect in school. Her parents often talked to her about the importance of doing her absolute best (of being perfect) in school because the best universities only took the best, most dedicated students. Kat needed to have perfection.

Perfection.

Perfection, however, could sometimes be a burden.

Several of the students began to laugh when Kat politely told her teacher that she was sorry but she didn't know the answer to her question. Her teacher looked surprised for a moment, but then she smiled at Kat and told her that was okay.

The students, however, continued to laugh.

"That's enough, class," the teacher said firmly.

"Yes, ma'am," the class said in unison.

Kat, though, wasn't stupid. She knew which students didn't like her. She knew which students would tease her later.

When it was time to go home, Kat ran as fast as she could.

But she wasn't able to run fast enough.

"What was wrong with Little Miss Perfect today?" one of the girls, Elizabeth, asked with a not so sweet smirk on her face. "She wasn't able to answer the teacher's question today. That's not like Little Miss Perfect at all."

The other girls began to laugh.

Tears began to fall down Kat's face.

Oh, look," Elizabeth continued, "Little Miss Perfect is crying. Oh, poor baby."

"You're just jealous, Elizabeth," Kat managed to say through her tears, proud that her voice wasn't completely shaky.

Elizabeth began to laugh. "Jealous," she said through her laughter, "of you. Why would anyone be jealous of you, Little Miss Perfect? Everyone hates you."

"That's not true," Kat said softly. "I try my best to be nice to everyone."

"Oh, so being a Know-It-All is nice?" Elizabeth pressed.

"I'm sorry," Kat quickly apologized. "I never meant to offend anyone."

"For someone who's supposed to be so smart," Elizabeth sneered, "you sure can be clueless at times."

With that, Elizabeth and the other girls finally walked off. Kat, however, just stood there, crying.

She had just tried to be perfect, like her parents had taught her to be.

And there was no way that her parents could be wrong.

Then, Kat must had done something wrong.

"I'll still work hard," Kat vowed to herself, "but I won't show off anymore."

_Does that mean I have to start missing questions on tests? Because I can't do that. I need the best grades possible so that I can get into the best university possible when I'm older. That's what my parents want for me. The best. The absolute best in everything._

_But how am I going to do that without showing off?_

Confused and still crying, Kat slowly began to make her way home, glad for once in her life that her parents would not be home from work for some time. She didn't want them to know that she had been crying.

Kat didn't want her parents to know that she wasn't always their perfect little girl, and that she wasn't always able to perfectly handle everything that came her way.

_Sometimes I'm tired of always trying to be perfect._

It quickly became noticeable to everyone who knew Kat that she was quieter and shyer in school. When her parents asked her about this, Kat assured them with a sweet smile that she was fine. She explained to them that she wanted to give the other kids a chance to answer questions because that was only fair. Her parents said they understood, but they then stressed the importance of her keeping her grades high. Kat promised that she her grades would not slack because of any of this.

And Kat's grades did not slack. If anything, they got even better.

Kat smiled every time someone told her how smart she was and what a hard worker she was, but inside she wasn't smiling. Inside she was tired of all this.

But she needed the best grades for her future, so that she could have a perfect future.

Just like her parents wanted.

"Everything has been set up in Angel Grove," Mr. Hillard said one night over dinner. "I have a job waiting for me, and we also have a house waiting for us."

Kat was glad for her father. She knew that this new job in Angel Grove would mean extra money for all them, which was something her father had been working on for some time. Her father, after all, had always worked hard to provide the best for his wife and daughter. All he had ever wanted in life was what was best for his wife and daughter.

"That's great news, honey," Mrs. Hillard told her husband.

"When do we move?" Kat asked excitingly. Perhaps this change was what Kat needed. Perhaps this change would make everything better.

Perhaps Kat could finally be perfect after this change.

Kat's parents both laughed at their daughter's excitement. "We move in two weeks," her father told her.

"That's wonderful," Kat smiled.

Both of Kat's parents took an instant liking to Angel Grove, despite the constant monster attacks. Kat wanted to like Angel Grove as well, but nothing had really changed. The students at her new high school didn't know her and therefore didn't tease her, but nothing had really changed.

Kat still wasn't happy with herself. She still wasn't doing something right.

But no matter how hard Kat thought about it, she still couldn't determine what she was doing wrong.

It quickly became apparent to Kat that several of the boys in school were interested in her by the way they looked at her. Kat would smile sweetly at them and speak politely with them, but they seemed to get the message that she wasn't interested in them. They looked a bit disappointed, but they backed off. Kat was glad for that. She had enough to worry about without having to worry about having tons of boyfriends. How would she ever explain that to her parents?

Besides, there was only one boy that Kat was interested in. She quickly learned his name from his friends speaking to him.

Tommy.

Kat thought that Tommy was handsome, but that wasn't what made Kat so interested in him.

When Tommy was with his friends, he was always smiling and laughing. And most people seemed to have nothing but good things to say about him. Apparently he was always polite and helpful. And even if he wasn't the top student in class, he was still considered exceptional.

Tommy sounded perfect.

But sometimes when Kat walked in the hallways by herself after school, she would sometimes see Tommy sitting somewhere by himself. Kat would then always made sure to hide so that Tommy wouldn't see her.

Kat wanted to talk with Tommy, but she had no idea what to say. Since Elizabeth had called Kat a Know-It-All and since Kat had vowed to herself that she would no longer show off, Kat had slowly retreated into some inner shell. She was still polite whenever someone spoke to her, but she was now painfully shy. Kat was always afraid that she would say something that would offend someone else. Kat, therefore, didn't like to speak unless it is absolutely necessary.

Besides, Kat learned a lot about Tommy just from watching him silently. While he always seemed happy when he was with a crowd, he never looked happy when he was sitting by himself after school. In fact, his eyes almost looked haunted, as if he was thinking about some pain that only he knew about.

Whatever that pain was, it didn't seem like Tommy's friends knew anything about it. It was as if Tommy was determined to always be high-spirited and good-natured when he was with his friends. Or when he was with anyone else for that matter.

"What demons are you hiding, Tommy?" Kat would always ask her.

Kat, however, could never bring herself to walk up to Tommy and introduce herself. Instead, she would just stand there, hidden from sight, until Tommy finally sighed to himself and left.

"Why can't I bring myself to speak with him?" Kat would always ask herself later. "He's clearly hiding something from the world, and perhaps it would help if he had someone to talk to. What happened to always being helpful, Kat?"

One night as Kat was lying in bed, trying but failing to fall asleep, she suddenly came to a realization. "Maybe I'm scared to talk with Tommy because he reminds me of me. Everyone thinks he's so perfect, just like everyone thinks I'm so perfect. But neither of us are perfect, no matter how hard we try to be."

Kat sighed to herself. "Sometimes I'm tired of always trying to be perfect. I wonder if Tommy ever feels the same way."


	2. The Spell

**Author's Note****: I originally meant for "Perfection" to be just a one-shot looking at Kat's childhood, but then I decided that Kat's problems with being perfect could also play a role in Rita deciding to use her against the Power Rangers, especially since I had established in the previous chapter that Kat is already starting to develop feelings for Tommy (and from the show we saw that Kat had a bit of an oppression with Tommy while under Rita's spell). Also, I want to explore in more depth than we were given in the show the relationship between Kat and Rita. **

**Note****: It is not my intention to bash any character. Everything is from Kat's point of view, and the way that she views someone else may be different from how others view that same person.**

**Note****: Anything in italics are inner thoughts and not spoken out loud.**

Kat knew that she was starting to become a bit of a stalker when it came to watching Tommy from a place where he could not see her, but she couldn't bring herself to care. And even though Kat and Tommy had yet to exchange a single word with each other and even though Tommy had yet to learn that Kat even existed, Kat just knew that she and Tommy shared a connection. They were, after all, alike. They both acted perfect when they were with others, but both of their masks of perfection were nothing but lies.

Perhaps, in time, Kat would have been able to bring herself to step outside her shy shell and actually approach Tommy.

But there was one huge problem.

Kimberly.

It was painfully obvious how much Tommy loved Kimberly. Kat often saw them together in the park. Kimberly would be talking on and on about something "girlish," and Tommy would listen to every word she said and say the right things at the right time.

Either Tommy was really interested in "girlish" things or he was a very good actor. Either way, Kat never saw Tommy looking bored or uninterested in anything that Kimberly said.

And Tommy would always look at Kimberly with eyes filled with love, adoration, devotion, and worship.

There was no denying that Tommy worshiped the very ground that Kimberly walked on.

But why?

Kimberly, or Kim as she preferred to be called by those close to her (Kat had really eavesdropped on too many of Kim's conversations with her friends), was very pretty and seemed like a nice enough girl.

But to Kat, Kim seemed too much like the girl-next-door. Nice to talk to. Nice to be friends with. But nothing more than that.

Kat had seem Kim alone on a few occasions, but Kat had yet to see that same haunted look in Kim's eyes that was present in Tommy's eyes.

There was no way that Kim could possibly understand Tommy in the same way that Kat could have.

_What's wrong with me?_ Kat would often think later. _I'm sounding like some jealous romantic rival._

Kat was not a jealous type of person. True, she usually wasn't happy with herself, but she never blamed anyone but herself for that. And Kat definitely would not go out her way to be unhappy with someone besides herself.

But there was no denying it. Kat was jealous of Kim. Kat wanted what Kim had. And that was Tommy.

_You need to worry more about your grades than your nonexistent love life_, Kat would often berate herself. _You need to get those good grades to get into the best university. Tommy isn't going to do that for you. Only you, Katherine Hillard, can get yourself into the best university._

But no matter what, Kat could not stop thinking about Tommy and how perfect they could be together.

Kat, though, still managed to keep up with her studies, even if she was slightly more distracted than usual whenever Tommy was in the same classroom. Or when Kim was in the same classroom.

Overall, though, things weren't that bad for Kat. Her teachers were already starting to notice what a hard worker she was and what a perfect, dedicated student she was. She was managing to act normal at home. Neither Kat's parents nor her teachers suspected that anything was wrong with Kat.

No one suspected that anything was wrong with Kat. Her mask of perfection was always perfectly in place whenever she was with someone else.

Things only really started to get real bad for Kat the day she met Rita.

"Hey, could you come over here for a moment?" a boy's voice suddenly called out to Kat while she was one day walking by herself in the park.

Kat looked in the direction of the voice and saw a rather cute boy. Nothing like Tommy, of course, but the boy looked friendly enough.

And he was actually acknowledging Kat.

Not to mention the fact that Kat was polite by nature and always answered someone whenever they spoke to her.

Kat walked over to the boy.

"Hi there," Kat smiled shyly but politely. "What can I do for you?"

The boy gave her a twisted grin before suddenly turning into a giant, black bird.

Kat didn't have enough time to react before things got even more bizarre.

"Hello, Katherine," a female voice spoke from behind the teenage girl while her mind was still trying to comprehend the boy that was really a giant bird.

Kat spun around and found herself face to face with the strangest woman she had ever seen.

The woman looked human, but she was wearing a strange outfit. And she was carrying a golden wand.

"Who are you?" Kat cried out in fright, her fear causing her to temporary forget her usual manners whenever she was speaking with a stranger.

"Your new master," the woman smiled wickedly before raising her want and pointing it at Kat.

A beam of red light enveloped Kat's entire body. Kat immediately began to feel faint and light-headed. It took all of Kat's efforts to remain conscious.

Then, Kat suddenly began to hear a voice in her head, a voice that most definitely was not her own.

_Your mind belongs to me now, Katherine_, the voice spoke. _You will do whatever I say without question. For now on, you live only to serve me. _

_No! _Kat cried in her head. _Get out! My mind is my own! My mind is all that I have that is my own!_

But Kat quickly found herself losing the sound of her voice as the other voice continued to repeat over and over again, _Your mind belongs to me now. For now on, you live only to serve me._

It did not take long before Kat found herself drowning in the other voice until it completely consumed her.

Kat had to obey the other voice for she could no longer hear her own voice.

"How can I serve you?" Kat asked in a slightly dazed voice that was not quite her own.

The strange woman, who then introduced herself as Rita with a twisted, pleasant smile, began to tell Kat all about the Power Rangers and how she wanted Kat to help her to defeat them.

Something in Kat caused her throat to catch when Rita revealed that Kim was the Pink Ranger. Something in Kat caused her heart to drop when Rita revealed that Tommy was the White Ranger.

_This is wrong_, a part of Kat thought. _I know I've been jealous of Kim lately, but I don't hate her. She's a good person. She deserves Tommy more than I ever will. And how could I ever dream of hurting Tommy?_

But Rita wanted Kat to hate Kim and to be more than willing to hurt Tommy. And even though Kat tried to fight it, she could not disobey Rita's commands. Whatever Rita wanted, Kat had to do.

Without question. Without hesitation.

"I can already see that you're going to be a _perfect_ little servant, Katherine," Rita purred with delight.

There was that word again.

Perfect.

"Please, Empress," Kat pleaded, "don't use that word. I hate that word."

"But I thought you wanted to be perfect," Rita asked in mock concern.

"I do," Kat cried.

"But you have yet to reach perfection," Rita replied. She gave Kat a sympathetic look. "I can help you with that, Katherine. I can help you to become perfect. I can give you the guidance and the support that everyone else refuses to give you.

"I'm not like everyone else, Katherine. I can see the _real_ you. Will you accept my help?"

"Yes," Kat gasped.

"Then it's only fair that you help me in return," Rita said sweetly. "You are a good girl, after all. You don't like disappointing anyone. You don't want to disappoint me, do you, Katherine?"

"No, Empress," Kat sobbed. "Since you are willing to teach me, I will learn to be perfect for you."

"That's my good little girl," Rita smiled. "You are exactly what I've been looking for. You're _perfect_."

That word again.

Kat wanted to cry. To scream. To do anything but just stand there and nod her head like some mindless zombie.

But Kat's mind was no longer her own. She now shared her mind with Rita.


	3. The Struggle

**Author's Note****: Once again, the thoughts and opinions presented in this fic are from Kat's point of view, and what Kat thinks is often different from how others think.**

**Note****: Anything in italics are inner thoughts and not spoken out loud.**

Why couldn't Rita had allowed Kat to turn into a dog instead of a little white cat? Just because her name was "Kat" did not mean that she liked cats. Not that Kat didn't like cats. But she really was more of a dog person.

But Kat had to admit that the "cat" disguise was beyond wonderful. Who would ever think that such a cute, cuddly white little kitty could be evil?

And under Rita's influence, Kat no longer cared that she had become evil.

Being evil was such an intoxicating feeling. It made Kat feel more alive than she had ever felt before.

And for the first time in her life, Kat truly felt good about yourself.

For the first time in her life, someone was actually pleased with Kat.

Rita.

Rita had changed everything for Kat. For the better.

Rita made Kat feel like an actual person.

But why did _Kimberly_ have to be with Aisha when the Yellow Ranger "found" her?

Why did _Kimberly_ have to always be there? Did _Kimberly_ really believe that the world revolved around her?

Other than _Kimberly_, though, Rita's plan was proceeding as planned. And Kat was playing her part _perfectly_.

Aisha and _Kimberly_ thought that the little white cat was the most precious, adorable thing.

And _Tommy_ thought the same thing as well.

Kat could not help but purr in delight as Tommy stroked her.

_He has such a gentle, loving touch_, Kat sighed dreamily to herself. _He should be touching me like this all the time. Especially when I'm in my human form._ Inside her mind, Kat grinned happily.

Kat then glanced over at _Kimberly_.

_But first_, Kat growled, _someone in pink needs to disappear. Permanently._

Kat could not help herself. She had to hiss and snap at _Kimberly_. It was too _perfect_ of an opportunity not to do so.

_Those fools_, Kat smiled as she heard Aisha and Kimberly calling for P.C. _They really have no idea what's about to happen to them and their precious little friends. And they will never know that it was the cute little white cat that was responsible for all their pain. If only they were able to see past the surface._

Kat continued to smile as she climbed into the car that Rita had provided for her. _It's time for you to forget about Kimmy, Tommy. Soon all you will think about is me._

Kat felt a thrill racing through her entire body when Tommy actually started the car.

With her in the passenger seat.

Before Rita, Kat would never have had the boldness to approach Tommy and actually speak with her. Before Rita, Kat would never had been able to push someone else until they finally agreed to do what she wanted.

Kat still couldn't believe that she had actually managed to convince Tommy to go with her. A woman he had just met. A woman he knew nothing about except for her name. All it had taken was a little pushing and a little insistence on her part, and Tommy had become putty in her hands.

_He's mine already_, Kat smiled. _He just doesn't know it yet._

_If he doesn't die because of what you are helping to do to him, _a voice suddenly spoke in Kat's head, a voice that was not Rita's.

_That's not going to happen_, Kat tried to convince herself. _Rita is just going to play around with him a bit and keep him away from the other Power Rangers. Rita knows how I feel about him. Rita cares about me. Rita won't hurt him because she knows that would hurt me._

Kat tried to distract herself from all these conflicting, confusing thoughts by throwing herself into Tommy's arms.

And the most _perfect_ part was that Tommy didn't seem to mind. He didn't even try to push her away.

_He has already forgotten about Kimmy._

Kat had not succeeded in destroying the Power Rangers as the Katastrophe Monster, but she had not failed completely. She had managed to successfully befriend all the Rangers and had managed to successfully gain all of their trust. They never suspected a thing. Not even once.

Kat was especially glad that she had managed to successfully deceive Tommy and Kimberly. They were, after all, the ones that motivated Kat the most to succeed. Tommy was Kat's ultimate goal, and Kimberly was the one obstacle standing in the way between Tommy's and Kat's absolute and ultimate happiness with each other.

And removing Kimberly wasn't going to be hard at all. The girl was absolutely stupid and clueless. Kat had practically revealed her true intentions when she had become eager to accept Kimberly's invitation to join them at the beach only after Tommy had said that he would be going there.

_But Kimberly is not the only stupid one. How could I have been so stupid? I could have given myself away before the time was right._

_I almost disappointed Rita. I almost failed to be her perfect servant._

_Why can't I just learn how to be perfect? Why can I never get anything right?_

Fortunately for Kat, though, neither Tommy nor Kimberly treated Kat with any suspicion. As far as they were concerned, Kat was a nice, sweet girl from Australia. As far as they were concerned, Kat was absolutely perfect.

Kat smiled wickedly as she held up Kimberly's Power Coin. _We'll see just how wonderful you are, Kimmy, after you are powerless. How could you have been so stupid to leave your Power Coin somewhere where anyone could just steal it from you?_

Kat didn't know why, but she continued to look through Kimberly's backpack. Kat eventually pulled out a picture.

It was a picture of Tommy and Kimberly. They were holding hands and smiling brightly. It was painfully clear how happy they were together.

Kat felt a surge of anger rush through her. _Why do you love her so much, Tommy? What makes her so special? What makes her so much better than me?_

_Why is Kimberly perfect while I am not?_

Kat tried to distract herself by turning to Aisha's backpack. She only needed one Power Coin (which she already had) and she had nothing personal against Aisha, but Kat needed to do something to take her mind off that picture.

Bulk and Skull interrupted Kat's plans to steal Aisha's Power Coin, but at least Kat had _Kimberly's_ Power Coin. Kimberly's Power Coin was better than Aisha's on any day.

It pained Kat to see Tommy so defeated after Ninjor had been captured; but Rita had told Kat that she and Zedd needed Ninjor as a part of their ultimate plan, and Kat had to obey Rita's wishes.

Even if Rita's wishes did hurt Tommy from time to time.

Kat felt both pity and anger when she walked in on Tommy punching the punching back in the Angel Grove Youth Center. She was saddened to see Tommy in such pain, but she hated the fact that Tommy was in such pain because of his concern for _Kimberly_.

To Tommy's credit, though, he appeared to still be in control of his emotions, even if he did come off as a little frustrated and a little angry.

Tommy hid his true feelings as well as Kat did.

_We truly are meant for each other, Tommy. I just wish you could see that._

Kat should had been happy beyond words when Kimberly's Ninja Powers failed her and she fell to the ground unconscious. Kimberly was finally out the way.

But Kimberly had been nothing but nice to Kat. And Kimberly was in her current predicament because of Kat. If only Kimberly had known that Kat had not really needed saving. If Kimberly had known the truth about Kat, she wouldn't currently be lying unconscious in one of Zedd's dark dimensions, having not just her power but also her very life drained out of her.

_I've been lying to myself_, Kat wanted to cry. _This isn't what I really wanted. I didn't really want Kimberly to die just so that I could have Tommy for myself._

Kat, however, did not do anything to save Kimberly. A part of Kat didn't like what was happening to Kimberly, but a _stronger_ part of Kat was celebrating.

Ever since Kat had met Rita, it seemed like the teenage girl was constantly confused about what exactly _her_ true feelings were. Kat could no longer separate her thoughts and desires from Rita's.

Kat's mind was indeed Rita's.

Kat didn't know what to think when she heard from a very angry Zedd how Tommy had managed to save Kimberly, even with Zedd being there to stop the White Ranger.

A part of Kat was proud of Tommy for having the resourcefulness and the determinate to best Zedd. A part of Kat was proud of Tommy for being devoted enough to someone else to risk his life to save that person.

But a _stronger_ part of Kat was angry that Kimberly was still alive. That Kimberly was still in the way.

_But you didn't really want Kimberly to die_, an inner voice that was not Rita's told Kat. _Kimberly has been nothing but a good friend to you. And you have always wanted a friend. You've never had one before. Why would you ever want to hurt someone who actually wants to be your friend? _

_I don't know_, Kat cried inside her head. _I don't know anything anymore._

"No," Kat told Rita firmly, "I'm not going to do anything more to hurt Kimberly."

Rita looked at Kat in surprise. "What did you say?" she hissed.

"I'm tired of serving you," Kat cried. "I can't stand to look at myself anymore."

"Oh, no, my dear little Katherine," Rita breathed, "it doesn't work that way. You're evil for as long as I say you are. And I say you're still going to be evil." With that, Rita raised her wand.

_Not again_, Kat pleaded inside her head. _Please, not again._

Despite Kat's inner pleas, though, her mind still belonged to Rita. Rita was still in control, while Kat was nothing more than a pawn.

"Why are you doing this to me?" Kat sobbed, looked straight into Rita's eyes. "Why me?"

Rita looked at Kat for a moment. "You're just like Tommy," she finally said.

"What makes you say that?" Kat couldn't help but be curious, especially since it did involve Tommy.

"He was just as pathetic as you were when I chose him," Rita explain.

"Chose him? Do you mean chose him like you did with me?"

"Surely even in backward Australia you heard about the Green Ranger," Rita sighed.

"Tommy was the Green Ranger," Kat gasped.

"Tommy was _my_ Green Ranger," Rita corrected. "Until he betrayed me, that is. I'm not going to allow you to betray me as well, Katherine. I got something over you that I never had over Tommy."

"What's that?"

"Tommy himself," Rita grinned. "I know your mind, my little kitty. I know how much you desire him for yourself."

"Will you help me to make him mine?" Kat asked desperately.

Rita grinned again. "Of course, my dear child," she purred. "Besides, it's about time I got my other _perfect_ little servant back."

That word again.

"Please, Empress, not that word again," Kat pleaded. "I'm not perfect at anything. I'm always disappointing you, always making you have to explain yourself to me."

"Don't take on like that, Katherine," Rita said sweetly. "I know the _real_ you. Just like I know the _real_ Tommy. You two are nothing more than broken, lost souls, desperately seeking someone else's love and approval so that you will no longer feel so _meaningless_."

Rita suddenly smiled wickedly. "You two are good for nothing more than serving me. You two are both _perfect_ at doing that. Face it, Katherine, you will never be perfect at anything else. The same goes for my dear Tommy."

Kat looked away from Rita. She didn't want Rita to see her crying. Even though she knew that Rita could hear her.

_She's lying. I am good for something else besides being her pawn._

_I just don't know what that something else is yet._

_What if I never learn what that something else is? What if I am truly meant to serve Rita for the rest of my life?_


	4. Making Amends

**Author's Note****: Once again, the thoughts and opinions presented in this fic are from Kat's point of view, and what Kat thinks is often different from how others think.**

**Note****: Anything in italics are inner thoughts and not spoken out loud.**

All the failures. All the disappointments. Perfection always just out of reach. The story of Kat's life.

_Enough with the self-pity, Katherine Hillard_, Kat thought as she sat outside the Angel Grove Youth Center, _it's not going to solve anything. Yes, you really screwed up this time, but feeling sorry for yourself doesn't make it any of it better._

_Then how can I make it better?_

Kim was currently inside the Youth Center. It was late at night, but Kim was practicing her gymnastics. Even though she should be resting instead.

Kat had drained Kim of so much of her energy, but that wasn't stopping the Pink Ranger from trying to live her dreams.

_You had dreams once too, Kat. Before Rita._

_But I can't escape from Rita?_

_Or can I?_

_Look how strong Kim is being. What can't you, just once in your life, be as strong as she is?_

_Kim._

_Kim! She's the key! She's the key to my freedom!_

For once in her life, Kat had been in the perfect place at the perfect time. She had been able to get Kim to the hospital in time.

Kat had finally done something right.

_But you would not have needed to do that right thing if you had not made Kim so tired, if you had not hurt Kim as much as you did._

Kat had to tell someone the truth.

Kim needed to know the truth.

Kim deserved to know the truth.

_How can they all be so forgiving and so understanding? I don't deserve their compassion, their mercy. How could I ever possibly make this up to them? Especially to Kim? To Tommy? I hurt them both so much because of my obsession._

Even though Kat knew she shouldn't be feeling good about herself, she felt proud of herself for finally standing up to Rita and for retrieving Kim's Power Coin.

_Doing this right thing may not have been necessary if it had not been for my actions, but at least I'm trying to make amends. _

_And I will never stop trying to make amends because all this was my fault._

Kat stood by herself in the park in front of the lake. Even though she had not been living in Angel Grove for long, she had already decided that the lake was the perfect place to think.

_That word again_, Kat couldn't help but laugh in her head. _The story of my life._

"Kat," Tommy's voice suddenly spoke from behind her.

Kat spun around. She tried to greet Tommy back, but she suddenly seemed to be incapable of speech.

"I'm not bothering you, am I?" Tommy asked.

"No, of course not," Kat managed to gasp out.

Tommy shifted uncomfortably. "I just wanted to check on how you are doing."

"I'm fine," Kat smiled weakly. "How's Kim doing?"

"Kim's doing great," Tommy answered. "She's a tough girl."

"Yeah, she is," Kat agreed. She then looked away from Tommy.

"But she shouldn't have had to be a tough girl lately," Kat cried before she knew what she was doing. "I really screwed up this time. I don't know how all of you can be so nice to me after everything I did."

Kat fell to her knees, the tears freely falling down her face as she looked down at the ground.

"Tell me you hate me, Tommy," Kat sobbed. "Tell me that I'm the most disgusting creature you've ever seen. Tell me that you wish I would just drop dead."

Kat suddenly felt a pair of strong but gentle arms wrap themselves around her. A finger placed itself under her chin and lifted her face up. Kat found herself looking into Tommy's warm, soft eyes.

But amongst all that warmth and softness, Kat could still see that haunted look that had attracted her to Tommy in the first place.

"I have never thought any of those things about you, Kat," Tommy said gently. "How could I? I was once in your shoes. I did horrible things as well. Unforgivable things. At times I still can't believe that the other Power Rangers fought so hard to save me and that they accepted me as one of their own so readily afterwards. I knew I didn't deserve their friendship and their trust, but they gave me those things anyways."

"Still, though, how are you able to wake up every morning and look at yourself in the mirror without feeling completely nauseated?" Kat asked desperately.

Tommy thought for a moment. "I honestly don't know," he said. "I try to forget about it, I guess, even though I know I shouldn't. I know that I deserve to feel guilty every day and every night, but I just don't know how to deal with it. I guess I really haven't dealt with it. It's like it's been swept under the rug and forgotten, but I can't forget it. How can I in good conscience forget all the harm and all the pain I caused other people? Perhaps I am a monster."

"Well, I don't think you are," Kat managed to smile through her tears. "I think you're wonderful."

_Why did I just say that? Tommy's really going to think I'm a freak now._

Tommy's reaction, though, completely surprised Kat. He laughed, but not unkindly.

"No, Kat, you're the wonderful one," Tommy said. "You're at this moment now because of your strength and because of your good heart. I was weaker, Kat. I had to be saved. You saved yourself."

_I shouldn't be feeling this good about myself, but is it really wrong to be proud of yourself every now and then? Especially when you did something that someone else considers to be right and amazing?_

_But you didn't save yourself. Kim did. Kim gave you the strength to fight._

"You give me too much credit, Tommy," Kat said. "I only did all the 'good' things because of Kim. She has been nothing but a good friend to me, but I still did such horrible things to her. She deserved better than that. I was just trying to do the right thing for once."

Tommy looked at Kat for a long, hard moment. "Oh, Kat," he finally said softly and with lots of pity, "what kind of life have you lived that you are unable to ever feel good about yourself or to ever feel like you're actually worth something?" Tommy looked away from Kat. "Especially when you are able to cry."

"What?" Kat was confused.

"At least you're able to _feel_ something," Tommy explained. "I can't. I can't even try to deal with it like you are trying to do right now. I just keep it all to myself. At least you are sharing with someone. I can't share anything. No feelings. No emotions. I can't cry. I've tried so many times to cry, Kat, but I can't. I'm just empty inside."

It was Kat's turn to look at Tommy with pity. "Oh, Tommy," she breathed sadly, "what can of life have _you_ lived?"

Tommy refused to meet Kat's eyes. "I should be going," he said in a distracted voice. "I promised Kim that I would watch her practice." With that, Tommy got up and raced away so fast that it was as if he had teleported away instead of ran away.

When Kat saw Tommy later that day at the Youth Center, they quickly came to a silent agreement that neither would speak about the other's emotional breakdown. The wounds were still too fresh.

Kat tried to distract herself from any thoughts dealing with Tommy as she watched Kim's gymnastics performance. Kim really was talented. Kat genuinely wished Kim nothing but absolute success and glory in her future.

Kat was surprised when Kim pulled her aside later.

"Kat," Kim said, "I really want to go to the Pan Global Games. It's been my dream for so long."

"I can understand that," Kat replied. She, after all, had spent most of her life having dreams of her own.

"But if I do go," Kim continued, "that will mean I will have to give up being a Power Ranger. What should I do, Kat?"

Kat was completely befuddled. She had never before had anyone ask for _her_ opinion on anything.

"I think you should follow your heart," Kat finally said, "because I know that you have a good heart, Kim. And I also know that no matter what you do, you will be doing the _right_ thing."

"I'm so glad to hear you say that, Kat," Kim smiled, "because I already have someone in mind to take my place as the Pink Ranger."

"Who?"

"You, of course, silly," Kim laughed, but not cruelly.

"Me? Why? Especially after all those terrible things I did to you."

"Because I know that you also have a good heart, Kat," Kim replied, "and the courage you showed by standing up to Rita shows that you have what it takes to make an amazing Pink Ranger."

"I don't know what to say," Kat breathed.

"Say 'yes,'" Kim laughed.

"Okay then," Kat laughed back, enthralled by Kim's happy, positive personality. "I say 'yes.'"

As Kat felt the energy from Kim's former Power Coin flow through her body, she didn't know what to think. A part of her did not believe that she deserved such an honor as this. But another part of her was determined to make the most out of this opportunity.

Kat could not help but feel like she was finally on not just the right path in life but also the _perfect_ path in life.

It would take a lot of hard work and a lot of time to make amends (even though Kat knew she would never be able to fully make amends for everything that she had done), but perhaps, just perhaps, perfection was not completely out of Kat's reach after all.


End file.
